Addendum.

It's not about getting angry, or scared. It's not about getting mad. It's about fixing it. It's about knowing that it's going to only get better. And it's especially about making sure that you're not wrong about that. Making sure is too weak of a phrase. It's knowing. With ironclad certainty. It's willing it into truth. It's redefining the world as you see it. Because you will not take no for an answer. It's about setting the world on fire.

Do you remember?

Rebrith. I know, how original. But in a way, it is.

Isn't it lovely? Almost a full year since last time, so much has changed, and way too much has stayed exactly the same. But I don't want this to be something I do to release dark and tortured thoughts, and the depressing side of me. I do that enough. So what I want to focus in on here is that currently, a really bad decision has more or less kept me awake all through the night, and while it still really bothers me in my irrational paranoia, I know it'll be alright. I know I have nothing to worry about, and I know that I'm just being ridiculous. I need to reread the Dune line about fear.

In a complete segue, I think that finally posting here again is an active effort on my part to move forward. Not move on, because last year is a part of me for good or ill, but to move forward. I love that about myself, so allow me to indulge in a rare moment of self-satisfaction. No matter what happens, no matter how, I will be okay. I know that, and to quote one of my favorite books, I know it blood-deep, bone-deep. As long as I keep on going, and keep on striving to make it better, and work for myself, I'll be alright.

Way down, New York town.

Thinking about the way, she loves me.

There's a hole in my pocket, that's about her size.

And I know everything's gonna be alright.

(Apologies to Joshua Radin)

And yes, this is mostly for my benefit, but to make another reference, a (rather long) Roger Ebert quote, "Watching even the more creative recent movies, one becomes aware of a subtle censorship being imposed, in which the characters cannot talk about anything the audience might not be familiar with. This generates characters driven by plot and emotion rather than by ideas; they use catch-phrases rather than witticisms." Well, I refuse to be motivated by such catch-phrases. If I want to be driven by intellect and cool indie-isms and amazing books and video games that blow your mind and love and hope and optimism and Star Wars and Democracy and religion and politics and obscure references and being a heap of useless information, goddammit, I will be. And have an amazing time with it too.